Sunday, October 19, 2008

Not always easy to understand

It's been a long time since I've cried.

We had a really good weekend with the exception of Julien being away. I always pray so hard for God to watch over Julien when he is away from me for the weekend. The worries weigh so heavily on my mind.

I checked on Julien tonight, he is fast asleep and home safe. I went into Addies's room to check on her and to talk with God. I can't put my finger on what happened, I don't know if it is just the relief that Julien is home safe or if it was seeing the videos of Addie at the park, waving and saying "hi" and "bye" to everyone and no one paying her a bit of attention (except one Mom who chatted with Chris and me for a while). Not one child responded to the words that my miracle was speaking...not one. Does anyone realize what would happen if Julien didn't respond to someone who was speaking to him?

Regardless of what it was, I started sobbing. I guess it's just long over due. There are times when it just isn't easy to see God's plan. I will take the pain and heartache to make certain that I am fulfilling the plan of God. I just pray that my children don't have to suffer the same pain and heartache. I know there is a will and purpose and the day will come when I understand it all.

I am so incredibly blessed and I wish others could see the life I live as a blessed life. My baby girl, standing in a walker at the park with braces on her feet is a miracle, a true gift. A gift that I never was certain I would see. I thanked God for my children many times tonight.