Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Picture this

Play along...

OK, so I'm driving down the interstate when out of nowhere, right in front of me, is this horrific accident. I immediately pull over, assess the situation and go straight to the car that appears to be the most in need. I approach; see a man behind the wheel, chest wide open, no pulse. I plunge my hands deep into his chest cavity and massage his heart until life flight arrives and takes him to the hospital. Wow...I'm really gonna need a shower.

OK, next I come home, put the kids to bed, walk into my bathroom, open up the linen closet door to grab a washcloth to wash my face, when something catches my eye. First thought that runs through my mind is that Julien left one of his toys...in the linen closet???
That's strange.

Then flashback to yesterday.
My poor husband had to escort me to my car because there was a lizard that was lurking on the wall next to the driver's door. I just knew that if I approached the lizard without my husband escorting me, the lizard would morph into ninja attack mode and leap right into the car. I get in the car, slam the door shut, shudder and thank my husband for the escort.

Aha! Whoa...wait just a second. There is just no way that the morphing ninja lizard is now laying D-E-A-D on the floor of my linen closet. Uh-uh. I immediately pull my hand back from the shelf and start backing away...never removing my eyes from the lizard (because he is obviously scheming and playing dead just to trick me). I scurry from the bedroom, down the stairs to round up my husband...and the camera. I immediately start explaining that THE lizard, that's right, the one that YOU let stay in the garage is now DECAYING in our bathroom!
There are two possibilities. Either the lizard slithered his way up two flights of stairs to my room OR my cats drug his poor helpless body up two flights of stairs, probably played with him on my kitchen counter, duvet cover and all over my toothbrush before sliding his salmonella incrusted body into the linen closet for a proper burial. Oh wow...chills.

So, all that to say. There is a better chance of me slipping my hands into someones chest cavity than there is of me scooping up a dead reptile and throwing him out the back door of my house.
Seriously, WHY? I don't bother creatures in their homes, is it really necessary to invade mine?

2 comments:

Aunt Cissy said...

Jenn,

You know when we need to be entertained don't you. Thank you for that. I was like I can not believe that you did that and no one told me about it? ha ha.....I understand completely I can not deal with any form of rodent or reptile.

Thanks for the laugh, love to all

Jeremy & Kim said...

I could not agree with you more...