Every Mother thinks their baby is the most beautiful in the world.
That is why there are many days when I see only the face of an angel when I look at my daughter.
What others see when they look at her, I don't know.
What I do know is that the looks that burrow their way into my heart make me into a person that I don't like to be.
I don't understand why we have to be subject to the asinine stares and why people treat my sweet Baby Girl as if she has the plague.
I was so ashamed of myself today.
On this perfectly beautiful day, we took Addie to the park.
She was crying as soon as we put her into the car and cried all the way to the park.
When we got out of the car, she was still crying despite my best efforts to show her where we were and my best effort to tell her that she would have so much fun on the slide.
On this perfectly beautiful day, the park was packed full of people.
It was "our" park in our little town and I knew that we would see person after person that we know.
I couldn't take it.
I picked Addie up and put her back into the car...and we left.
On the way back home, I had to fight back the tears because I immediately thought of my sister and so many other parents who would have traded the world for that moment.
That moment just to have their child there with them, regardless of the public spectacle that was taking place.
I couldn't take it because it's not just the looks that we get when Addie is crying, it is the stares.
The stares that make me want to have a tantrum of my own.
A tantrum where I get to lose my composure and tell them to stop - to stop looking at my angel in - that way - that makes me so full of rage.
I don't get to do that because I'm the one that is supposed to be so full of grace.
My baby has the sweetest spirit, the kindest heart and the bluest eyes and I hate it that people find her worth so much less than other children because she struggles in each aspect of her day - every day.
Another reason we left the park is because I had an image flash before me.
An image that made me want to run and never look back.
An image that I ran across in a book that Julien bought at the Book Fair two years back.
An image that I thought was going to make me throw up as soon as I saw it.
I swear the world stopped when my eyes saw that picture.
It was an image that made my heart ache.
It made my heart ache because all I could think about is how these people had no value in the eyes of this world.
They were simply a source of entertainment; a circus side show - a freak show.
It has taken me two years to share this picture.
The visual imprint it left on my mind, has been mine alone, until now.
The article that goes along with the picture was absolutely thrilling to read and so not worth posting.
So, in my moment of grief today, I just wanted to run and take my sweet Baby Girl with me and to protect her... and me.
If I charged someone each time they stopped to stare at us we would have enough money to pay for orthotics, braces and therapy for my baby for the rest of her life
and would have enough left over
to move to a private little resort
where my baby could play in her own private little park and throw tantrums and we would never have to worry with being judged.
Just for the record.
I do have the most beautiful baby girl in the world
and
not only do I thank our God for allowing me to be her Mother,
but given the chance to do it all over again -
I would-
a million times over.
