Tuesday, October 01, 2013

Selfish Me

As most of you know, this blog started as a way for me to keep my friends and family updated about my pregnancy.

Then it turned into a way for me to keep my friends and family updated on Addie - since it wasn't something that I could freely talk about.

Then it turned into my therapy and my desire for others to know that having a child with special needs is a much greater gift than anyone could ever imagine.
It is a ton of hard work, a whole lot of fighting, a few tears, endless days of bragging about each little bit of cherished progress and in my case, it's also about vats of M&M's and chocolate milk.

I love writing about my children.
I love proving every doctor and therapist wrong who told me that I should have zero expectations from Addie. 
One in particular has no idea how many times a week the words, she will "never walk, never talk and never function like a normal child" runs through my mind.

I am not bitter and I do not dwell on any negative thing.

I try my best to be a positive person, and there are days when that just can't happen - and some of you have seen that side of me.
I have my moments where my inner crazy comes out, everything rubs me the wrong way and unfortunately, there are the days when the people I respect and care about the most - get the brunt of it all.  

This blog is my therapy and there are times when I think it is just my personal diary and I am selfish and I talk about random, stupid things that only my brain seems to find humor or understanding in.

Then there are days when I realize that it reaches far beyond the edges of my psychotic little brain, days when I have an email from someone thanking me for giving them hope.
How incredibly humbling 
and
it brings my life to a momentary halt because all the hard times come flooding back and I realize that others are now walking in my shoes.

That is when I am so thankful, so incredibly thankful that in the midst of my very selfish acts, I can provide that one little piece of hope to someone else.

Hope is what I would cling to each second after Addie's birth - and six years later - I am still clinging to it.

Hope that she has the best possible life that I can provide for her - with the support of your love and your acceptance of Addie.

It is amazing how one little kind word, one hug, one "thank you" means more to me than all the M&M's and chocolate milk housed within the continental United States.

....and for that, I thank YOU for being here for me in my self absorbed, selfish shell that I sometimes find myself.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Well. This finally got me writing.
From Sweden!!!
Ever heard of our little european country?:)
Your blog is fantastic!!
XXX Another mother who blogs for others to understand..
In swedish though;)

Suzette
www.suziettan.blogg.se

JEANIA said...

Jennifer-
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for your blog! I honestly dont know how I would have made it the past year after my daughter's diagnosis w/o frequently reading your posts. You have provided me with so much HOPE for my daughter's future! You are truly an amazing writer and I believe God directed me to your blog because HE knew I needed your encouragement. Thanks for sharing your life with us -- You really are making a difference!

jennohara said...

Jenn,
YOU are the reason I started my blog. I wanted to do what you did for me. I clung onto your words, and they gave me hope for Hanna.
You are my mentor. I love every single post you publish...every ounce of Addie pa Taddie, and everything in between. (including you're funny, silly moments!)
This place is my most favourite place to visit, and I do genuinely THANK YOU...
for everything.

mia said...

I've been a reader for awhile. I found your site sort of by accident, then got hooked. It's very inspiring. I have two preemies, now big boys, who I've blogged about since day one. Please stop by if you get a chance.

http://colinmcgloin.typepad.com/