Saturday, August 29, 2009

The other shoe

I can't put a number on the times I said to people that I was "waiting for the other shoe to drop".
We were so quickly thrown into the world of special needs that we had prepared ourselves for the worst.

What the worst was, we didn't know.

So, for over a year, I kept repeating the same thing to any therapist or friend that would listen and I would ask when "it" would happen.

"It" being the horrible tragedy that came with having a special needs child.

The stigma that surrounds special needs children had me ready for anything.
I was ready for the depression, the seizures, the endless nights at the hospital, the longing for a child that was "okay", but none of those things ever came.
The other shoe had been there the whole time, walking quietly down the same path that I was. The depression never set in, our God has graced us with a seizure-free child, the trips to the E.R. are hopefully behind us and my sweet baby girl has always been "okay".
From the second that I had her, when I knew that something wasn't the way I thought it would be, I still knew we would be okay. I knew Addie was a gift and I never prayed for a different child.
I prayed for the strength and knowledge to help and protect this gift that I had been so blessed to have been given.
I was sitting at lunch with my beautiful friends a while back and we were discussing that topic. The one in which we all were waiting on that other stinkin' shoe to come crashing down on us and how we look back on that time and realize that life wasn't even close to what we were led to believe it would be.
My sweet, baby Addie brings me countless moments of pure joy and the moments of sorrow do tend to creep in, mostly when we encounter hateful people or when I realize how she struggles, but I need to say time and again how blessed we are.
I have spent a great deal of time lately looking at Reece's Rainbow and it has made me realize even more how very blessed we are.
We were chosen by our God to receive Addie into our lives.
She could have been any one of those sweet babies who are given up by a parent who was embarrassed by the diagnosis that their children were given or given up by a parent that didn't want to be a parent or didn't have the means to be a parent. Regardless of the reason why, these children suffer each minute of every day.
That could have been my Addie, but it wasn't.
I know how blessed we are and I hope you all realize that as well.
As I held my sweet beautiful baby girl tonight and rocked her to sleep (sorry Dr. Ferber), I prayed for all the children who Addie could have been.
We have a gift.


Sandy said...

Your words in this entry fit my feelings exactly. Thank you for voicing it. It is nice to know that there are others out there "just like me".

Your Addie and my Allie are direct gifts from God. I have never felt so fortunate in all my life.

Jenn O'Hara said...

I'm so glad you wrote this post. It perfectly matches my feelings, but you say it so beautifully.
We are all SO lucky and BLESSED.

SavannaLea said...

I found your blog thru Sandy Lovell and have been really touched reading about Addie. I am the sister of a "gift" from God. Doctors told my parents to put her in a home she wouldn't live 6 months, she turned 34 this June. Yes there is sorrow, but like you said the joy definitely out weighs it every time. We are definitely the blessed ones, because God choose us to take care of these special gifts, like Addie, Allie and my sister, Annaeke.

Jennifer and Mark Kiel said...

Hey Jenn, it's Jennifer (from the restaurant).... you are amazing! And Addie is precious. I love keeping up with your beautiful family. Keep your head up - I need to learn a thing or two from you.

*Staci* said...

She is a everyone that comes into contact with her. And you and your family are absolutely amazing! There's ALOT of parents out there that could learn a thing or two from you!