Thursday, December 31, 2015

Birthday Number Nine

Today is the ninth anniversary of one of the most heartbreaking days of my life.

Nine years later and there are very few days when I don't think about that moment.
6:00 a.m.
The joy.
The confusion.
Seeing my sweet, beautiful baby girl for the first time.
Falling in love with her so deeply right in the midst of so many heartbreaking emotions.
Nine years later and my need to protect her is fiercer than ever.

While today is one of the most difficult days for me, it doesn't take away from the overpowering love and pride I have for Addie.

She continues to grow and learn.  
There are more and more moments where she catches me by surprise with a new word or phrase.
There are more and more moments when I am privy to hearing her sweet voice express a memory that I didn't even know she had.  Moments when I know she remembers people, places, things and events of the distant past.  Those moments of realization brings about the deepest and most overwhelming emotions.

Addie is a beautiful, sweet angel that I am so honored to call mine.
She brings joy to so many people and has touched so many lives, all while we continue to make people see past a diagnosis.

Today, we celebrate my sweet Baby Girl.
Nine years with my sweet Baby Girl.

We are celebrating this day, as we always have, as we see fit.

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your continued support and love, we couldn't do it without you.


I was going through some pictures and found these.
Before now, I didn't want to share them.
It honestly was too hard for me and such an incredibly private moment.
I know most of you remember this moment in your life.
The moment in which you first saw your new baby.
For me, this moment of joy was replaced by fear and confusion.
This was the exact moment when the nurse placed Addie next to me and said the words that I will never forget, "there appears to be a problem".
When the nurse brought Addie to me, she was crying.
The nurse placed Addie next to me and walked away.
I was unable to reach out to hold Addie.
The only thing that I could do was move my hand so that I could rub her head.
I wanted so badly to take her in my arms, kiss her and tell her that everything was all right.
I wanted her to know that it didn't matter what had happened in the moments preceding the first time that I touched her.
It didn't matter what others might have said, it didn't matter what was done and it didn't matter that the nurse didn't congratulate me, she only let me know that this angel that was next to me exhibited "a problem".
I couldn't take Addie in my arms, but I reached over to her and I touched her head.
This picture was the exact moment in which I did that.
This picture captured my thoughts and my love for my baby because the moment that my hand touched Addie, she stopped crying.

That was all captured in this one picture.
That private moment was captured for all the world to see, the only thing that is not clearly visible in this picture is the hand of God as HE held my baby close to me for me to touch and whisper to and to tell her that I loved her.
There was no nurse standing there with us, there was only our God and my husband watching as this moment unfolded.
I knew then that I would always be there to wipe away the tears and to take away the fear.
Addie completed my life.
This was the moment that forever changed my life.
I thank GOD for trusting me to take care of one of his most special angels.

The entrance into our "Wait and See World"